i miss you
by bluesky447
Summary: when charlie dies of a heart attack, will edward and the cullens let bella blame herself? or will they make her see things happen for a reason?
1. Chapter 1

BPOV

i woke up without edward, to groans coming from charlie's room. edward and the cullens were out hunting for the weekend. i hopped out of bed and went to charlie's room, where he was on his bed, clutching his chest. i knew it was pointless to call 911 as this was bound to happen sometime, and i could tell nothing could save him but vampire venom, but the only vampires i knew were away in some part of canada. i sat next to him and grabbed his hand.

"it's almost over. i promise." i whispered as he suddenly went limp, and i knew he was dead. i just sat there with him. then the phone rang.

"hello?" i asked vacantly.

"bella, can i talk to charlie?" asked billy. for some reason, this kickstarted my emotional reaction.

"he's not here." i said.

"is he at the station?" he asked.

"no." i said.

"then where is he?" he asked me.

"he's dead, billy." he was silent.

"how do you know? did your vampires do this?" he demanded.

"i was there. i saw it. and the cullens couldn't have done it. they're out hunting the entire weekend." i said.

"how?" he asked with tears in his voice.

"he had a heart attack." i said.

"why didn't you call 911?!" he demanded.

"it was pointless. i could see it." i told him.

"you should have done something! it's your fault! you killed him!" he yelled and hung up. he was right. i should have called someone, done something. and now he was dead and it was my fault for just sitting there. tears streamed down my face as i called the hospital.

"hello?" answered a nurse.

"my father, charlie swan, had a heart attack. he just died." i informed her. she was silent.

"we'll send someone to pick up the body." he said and i hung up. a few minutes later people with a stretcher and a sheet came in and took charlie from me. after they left, i slid down against the door and sobbed into my hands. all of a sudden the hole in my chest was back and it was blaring open. i wrapped my arms around my chest again, tightly, to try and close it. then i brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my shin. i wanted edward. but he was hunting. i wanted charlie. but he was dead. the phone rang again. i gingerly answered it.

"hello?" i answered like a dead person. i winced at that analogy.

"bella?" came carlisle's soft voice. i swallowed the tears.

"yeah?"i asked.

"alicde said she had a vision of someone leaving your house dead." he said. and that started the tears again.

"its my fault." i said.

"what are you talking about?" he asked.

"charlie died and its my fault!" i wailed.

"how is it your fault?" he asked me.

"i woke up and he was having a heart attack and i didnt do anything but sit there with him!"

"why?" he asked, unjudging.

"becaise i just had a feeling he was gonna die no matter what. i didnt want to prolong his suffering." i whimpered.

"exactly. it isnt your fault. we're on our way home now." he promised. i couldnt object, i needed them. we hung up and i went to charlies room and put on one of his sweatshirts and laid down on his bed. i didnt even notice i was crying. then the front door opened.

"bella?"


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: review! please!

chapter 2

BPOV

"bella?" sounded a voice. i tensed. if it was someone coming to tell me it was my fault, i was going to break down. then charlie's bedroom door opened.

"bella?" asked another voice. it was jasper.

"hi." i said. i figured i must have looked pretty pathetic from the way my voice sounded like it did when they left, and i was curled up in a ball on my father's bed in one of his sweatshirts. he sat on the edge f the bed next to me.

"stop feeling guilty." he told me. tears welled in my eyes.

"it's my fault, jasper! all i did was sit there with him!" i said. he rubbed my back in a comforting gesture.

"i know, darlin'." he said. "come on. the others are downstairs." i got up and followed him downstairs to the living room. the others were down there too. emmett saw me first.

"you look like hell, belly bear." he told me.

"glad to know you think im pretty emmy bear." i said sarcastically. he grinned. then edward wrapped me in his arms.

"are you ok?" he asked me.

"that is a really retarded question. thats like asking someone who has a migrane, if their head hurts." i said. he rolled his eyes. esme hugged me next.

"im sorry." she told me.

"it's fine. it was going to happen anyway. i mean, the man went who knows how many years on take out and fish fry and steak covered in grease. it was only a matter of time before the time bomb exploded." i said. it hadn't exactly sunk in yet that charlie was dead. i mean, i knew he was dead, but i just didn't feel it i guess. then emmett grabbed me in a bear hug. then alice. then we all sat down.

"if i look at this objectively, it's almost a good thing." i mused out loud.

"i'm sorry, did you just say that it was a good thing for your father to be dead?" rosalie demanded.

"technically. it just makes it easier. im technically an orphan anyway. remember? renee, phil and charlie are all dead now." i reminded them. renee had died in a car crash while the cullens were gone.

"so now you don't have to lie to anyone but angela and the rest of the school." she said.

"maybe." i said shrugging.

"are you actually considering college?" edward asked me. i shrugged.

"maybe. but i do know, that when i go to college eventually, i'm going to a school with a good writing program" i said.

"you want to write?" carlisle asked. they all looked at me.

"yeah. change the name every few years, get a fandom as big as harry potter." i said.

"that would be awesome!" emmett said.

"bella, youre staying the night at our house, dont argue, just get your stuff." alice said. i went up the stairs and grabbed some clothes and my bag. i grabed my iPod and my phone.

"do i need my car keys?" i called.

"no!" she yelled. i sighed and went back downstairs. we drove to the cullen house in silence. i mulled over what had just happened. it was kind of overwhelming. make a list bella. make a list.

charlie had a heart attack while the cullens were hunting.

he died.

billy blames me.

the cullens came back to the house

we talked.

im staying over there tonight.

ok. good.

"bella?" asked edward, pulling me from my thoughts.

"yeah?" i asked.

"what are you thinking?" he asked. oh the trademark question alongside 'are you sure?'.

"nothing of consequence."

"please?" he asked me.

"nope." he shook his head and drove. we pulled up to the house and went inside. the others were already there.

"about time slow pokes!" emmett said from the living room.

"shut up! you know nothing!" i yelled back.

"i've been to high school more times than you have!" he yelled back.

"i know! thats why i said you know nothing!" in a flash he was in front of me, his eyes narrowed.

"come on man. you opened yourself up for that one, and you know it." jasper said walking into the foyer where me and emmett were standing. then my cell phone rang.

"hello?" i answered.

"bella it's billy." he answered. the entire house was silent.

"what do you want? because if you're going to scream that it was all my fault and start some war because of some technical crap no one has ever heard of, i'm hanging up the phone and blocking all my calls from you and everyone else on the reservation." i said. emmett and jasper grinned.

"no. i just wanted to tell you we would handle the funeral." he said. i froze. oh there was no way in hell i was letting billy black handle my father's funeral.

"no." i said.

"excuse me?" he asked, shocked.

"i said no, billy. i'm not letting you handle anything." i repeated.

"and why not?" he asked, getting angry.

"because you're going to have it on la push. so that the cullens cant be there with me without causing a war. im not an idiot, so stop treating me like one. and if you start handling the funeral anyway, im going to make sure you wont be going at all." i snapped and hung up. emmett patted my back.

"that was badass, belly bear." he said grinning. i smirked.

"i did learn from the best. thanks jasper." jasper smirked and emmett was slack jawed. i ate dinner and went to bed with edward. for a while i just sat there. until everything came crashing down on me.

"he's really dead, isnt he?" i said softly. edward tightened his arms around me.

"im afriad so, love." he said sadly. i nodded. a few minutes later he was humming my lullaby. i fell asleep. the next morning, we all had school off, since it was sunny, and i just couldnt face the gossip. after carlisle got back, he called a meeting. alice was jumping up and down and edward was all happy, in turn making jasper happy.

"if this is the baning of bella barbie, you may proceed." i said. alice pouted. carlisle chuckled.

"actually, it was for something more serious. bella, since you are a part of this family, and you would be living by yourself, we were wondering, if you would like to stay here." he said.


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV

i thought about what carlisle had just said.

"like stay here?or stay here stay here?" i asked him. he chuckled.

"stay here as in move in." he clarified.

"what would happen to charlies house?" i asked. i didnt want some random person moving in and ruining charlies stuff.

"youll still own the house." he assured me. i nodded.

"you dont have to decide now." esme said. i could find only one flaw. i would have to play bella barbie for the rest of my life. but i had sined onto that anyway. for when i was a vampire. but as a human, i had no power to stop her.

"what are you thinking?" edward asked.

"that i would have to play bella barbie." i said.

"you already knew that." alice said.

"i know. you know what? it made more sense in my head." i said.

"did you decide yet?" emmett whined.

"if i say yes will you shut up?" i asked.

"yes to what?" he asked.

"both questions i was previously asked." i said smirking. edward wrapped me in his arms and kissed my hair. i didnt need to be jasper to know everyone was all happy i was staying here. they did some vampire group hug on me. i was just extremely scared of the bella barbie part. jasper chuckled at my fear.

"shut it. she doesnt give you makeovers with makeup and stuff." i told him. alice huffed.

"im not that bad." she said. i rolled my eyes.

"and im a great liar." i said sarcastically.

"no one is that bad." she argued, looking offended.

"i know, youre worse!" i said. she glared at me.

"ill let you pick your clothes." she muttered.

"but?" i said.

"how do you always see that?!" she muttered. "but they have to be cute."

"jeans and t shirts." i said quickly.

"just make them cute." she begged.

"deal." i agreed as soon as the words left her mouth. everyone chuckled.

"its not funny." i grumbled.

"it kind of is." jasper said. i glared at him.

"and youre kind of stupid." i retorted. he snorted.

"please. ive been to high school more than you." he said.

"thats my point. i said the same thing to emmett! you two are such clueless idiotic men!" i said. he glared at me.

"dont look at me like that. oyu know for a fact that a part of your mind keeps thinking of alice naked." i told him. he glared at me.

"shes right and you know it, jazz." edward said. i smirked.

"point for the human!" i said.

"are we keeping points now?" edward asked amused.

"i gotta take what i can get." i shrugged. that night i had a dream. it was charlie. he was yelling and blaming me for his death and i tried to explain how i knew he wouldnt have lived either way, but he wouldnt listen to me. then edward woke me up.

"do you think i killed him?" i asked edward after i calmed some.

"of course not." he said.

"do you think its my fault?" i asked.

"do you think its your fault?"

"yes." i admitted.

"why?" he asked.

"because the logical thing would have been to call 911." i said.

"then why didnt you?" he asked. his voice was unjudging and speculative.

"becaise i just knew it wouldnt have worked." i said.

"then thats why it isnt your fault." he assured me. but it still felt like it was. we had to go to school today.

"are you sure you want to?" edward asked me. i shrugged. i felt kind of numb today. of course it was totally my own doing. i had sort of kind of mastered the art of numbing my feelings while he was gone.

"ill have to do it sooner or later. and anyway, i kind of want to see what crazy shit they came up with when they heard about it." i said. he nodded. i grabbed my bag and we all rode in the jeep.

"one of these days, im going to try and run and jump into this thing. and one of you better post it on the internet." i said.

"you? run and jump? please." emmett said.

"im serious." i said. we drove the rest of the way to school.

"bella, can i ask you something?" jasper asked me when we got there. edward looked reluctant to leave.

"go to english. ill meet you there." i said. he left. the others went to class.

"whats up jasper?" i asked.

"how come i cant feel you?" he asked. i chuckled.

"jasper, my brother, i have perfected the art of numbing my emotions." i told him.

"when was this?" he asked on our way into school.

"no comment." i said.

"we hurt you that bad?" he asked sadly. here we go.

"jasper whatever your name is whitlock hale. i am only telling you people this one more time before i kill all of you. i. dont. hate. any. of. you. i never could, and i never will. so stop actin all guilty all the damn time. it irks me. i said. he chuckled and we went into the school.


	4. Chapter 4

BPOV

all throughout the day, people were gossiping about the ways i could have killed charlie. there was i shot him with his own gun, strangled him with one of the two ties he owns, suffocated him and pushed him off the roof. i, on the other hand, was making plans on how to kill all of them in the most painful ways possible.

"what is the human thinking so hard about?" emmett teased at lunch.

"just thinking of the ways to kill all of these people in the most painful ways possible. does anyone know where i can get rolls of spikes, high pressure and heat chamber, a bear claw, a grenade, a vat, large quantities of rubbing alcohol, salt and lemon juice, and a chair and some rope? and maybe some of those torture videos those movies have, that youre forced to watch?" i asked. they looked at me like i was crazy.

"you know what, remind me to never get on your bad side, ever." jasper said.

"too late mr lets-make-bella-scream-as-many-times-as-we-can-in-one-day." i said smirking evilly. he gulped. so did emmett. after school we went back to the house, and deputy mark was there.

"why do i feel like im going to be arrested for murder?" i muttered, climbing out of the jeep. edward kissed my forehead and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and we walked into the house. mark was talking to carlisle and esme.

"how was school?" esme asked when we walked into the living room.

"really amusing, and disturbing at the same time." emmett said. i shrugged.

"just watch yourself." i warned him. he rolled his eyes.

"bella, im here to talk to you about charlie." mark said.

"did someone call you about it?" i asked him.

"no, but the 911 opperator said that you knew he had a heart attack after he was dead." he said.

"see mark, i woke up and heard it, and went into his room. i knew he wasnt gonna live, and i didnt want to make him suffer even more, so i sat with him until he died and called 911." i explained, tears in my eyes as i saw the life leave charlies eyes in his bedroom. he nodded.

"im sorry for your loss." he said and left.

we planned the funeral over the next week. it was going to be in the local church. i opted for closed casket, since if i touched his hand, i would have a frickin breakdown. i kept myself distracted, or tried to. jasper helped with my feelings a little, but i kept having nightmares of everyone yelling that its my fault. that i was a murderer. i didnt tell anyone, but i think jasper knew, since one saturday, he asked if he could talk to me.

"bella, can we talk?" he asked me while i was sitting in the living room, watching emmett play video games against humans he didnt know.

"sure." i said. he led me to his study. i sat on the huge couch he had in there.

"bella, we both know that you still feel like its your fault charlie died." he said. tears welled up in my eyes.

"i cant help it! every single night, everyone tells me im a murderer and its all my fault!" i said. he sat next to me.

"when do they tell you this?" he asked.

"in the same damn nightmare every fucking night!" i said. he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"who tells you?" he asked gently.

"charlie, billy, jacob, sam, mark, alice, carlisle. all people he liked." i whispered. then alice and carlisle were in the room with us. jasper left, and carlisle and alice sat on either side of me.

"what did i tell you bella? in the nightmare?" alice asked me softly.

"that you had seen him living til he was ninety marrying sue clearwater and being all happy, and i ruined it for him by not calling carlisle, cuz he would have run really fast, and carlisle agreed with you, and yelled that i should have had the common sense to call someone, but obviously i didnt, since i just sat there." i whispered. they hugged me as i burst into tears.

"sweetheart, i would never blame you for this. ever." carlisle promised me.

"bella, youre my sister. and if i had seen it, i would have called you." alice told me. i nodded.

the day of the funeral, i was kind of in a going through the motions mode. again. we all got ready, and thirty minutes before the funeral started we left.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: really sorry about the long wait! i am a horrible procrastinator, and my clubs are getting under full swing, meaning lots of clarinet practice for me!

BPOV

charlie died a month ago. i admit, i am still a little depressed thinking about it, but the cullens have really helped and charlie's friends still blame me for his death, but i know it isn't true. me and edward were engaged to be married, and i was going to be turned soon after that. everything was set up, now we just had to execute the plan.

A YEAR LATER

the plan has been executed, i am a married woman/vampire. i now have an eternity with my vampire husband, brothers, sisters and parents. feels good.

END

A/N: me endings suck! i'm working on them!


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